Rebel Without a Clue Read online

  “Here, taste this,” Boom Hildie says, extending a cup of some truly nasty looking liquid. I look at it suspiciously. It’s still smoking.

  I so don’t want to do this. “What’s in it,” I ask, stalling for time. If I wait long enough, maybe I’ll figure out a way to avoid it.

  DaniElle chortles. “Believe me. You’re better off not knowing.” That does not sound good.

  I look at Hildie pleadingly. I really don’t want to drink that stuff. Hildie lifts the cup to my mouth and winks at me. “You’ll thank me for it later. I promise.”

  Damn her! I’m a sucker for a promise. I fall for it every single time. This time is no different. Shutting my eyes, I swallow it down in one gulp.

  Hildie tosses the cup away. She pinches my nose, covers my mouth and tilts my head back so I can’t barf it up. That drink is so disgusting my body actually convulses in repulsion. This Witch is on my bad list. Below Titus even. That’s saying a lot!

  When the worst of it passes, Hildie lets go. I’m now shivering like crazy but I feel like my body is on fire. What the hell did that Witch give me?

  “Is she okay,” asks Australian Witch skeptically.

  “Eh, she’s fine,” says Boom Hildie unconcerned. “She’s a Zombie. Even if I mucked it up she’d be fine. That kind is hard to kill.”

  Once my body stops freaking out on me I am going to go find my ninja dagger so I can ‘thank’ this Witch properly. The shivers have subsided and the flames just feel like hot coals now. My legs feel kind of rubbery though. I sit on the floor because I can’t see well enough to find a chair.

  “She really doesn’t look good,” mutters DaniElle.

  “That’s only because her blue hair clashes with her green face,” Boom Hildie patiently explains.

  Great! Green face. I’m pretty sure I know what to ask Bibidee Bea for now. Hildie’s head on a platter!

  A knock at the door has Australian Witch asking, “Did you order room service? You should have told me! I could use a nibble.”

  “I didn’t order anything. Check the peephole,” instructs Hildie.

  I can hear every one of Australian Witch’s steps to the door. “She’s no ninja,” I mutter to myself.

  “Why didn’t you use your key card,” ask DaniElle.

  “I gave it to Titus,” replies Bibidee Bea. “You know just in case.”

  “Great. I guess we can expect a hellraising visit from Queen Z,” is Boom Hildie’s sardonic response.

  Witchy Bea is far from worried. “I’m not afraid of no Zombie,” she huffs. When she sees me sitting on the floor she asks, “What did you do to the nerd?”

  “She did it,” the Australian Witch is quick to point the finger at Hildie. “It was all Hildie’s idea.”

  “It’s no big deal,” dismisses Hildie. “Mercy was sitting over here daydreaming about that favor you owe her like she won the golden ticket or something. It was kind of pathetic. So I whipped her up a little of her own magic. There were a few adverse effects though.”

  “Adverse effects? Is that what you call a green face,” Bea chuckles. I, personally, don’t think it’s funny but I guess Witches have a perverse sense of humor. Like Titus. “I think your magic may be slipping, Hildie.”

  “It will pass,” Boom Hildie confidently replies. “Probably,” she mutters under her breath.

  “Probably,” I shout or at least I try to but it comes out more like a whimper. “It better pass,” I warn her. I doubt she even heard me though.

  “Is she talking in her sleep,” asks Bibidee Bea. At this point I feel a little like a lab specimen.

  “I’m pretty sure she’s awake. She just has her eyes shut,” says Australian Witch. My eyes are shut? I try to open them but it’s just too difficult.

  “Maybe we should drag her to the bedroom. If Queen Z stomps in here, like I expect her to, we don’t want her asking questions,” Boom Hildie tells Bea. I try to stiffen my body to make it harder to move but my limbs are flopping around like limp noodles.

  “No,” I holler. Only not really.

  “I think she’s snoring,” DaniElle says. These Witches suck.

  I can hear them huffing and puffing as they transport me. Good! I hope they strain every muscle in their back.

  “Somebody needs to hide her candy stash,” Bea groans.

  “Touch my candy and die,” I try my hardest to yell the words but it does no good.

  When they get me to the bedroom they try to lift me onto the bed but instead drop me on the ground. These Witches need to learn how to work as a team.

  Someone grabs my arm to try again but Bibidee Bea says, “That’s close enough. I’m tired. Let’s just shove her under the bed. What Queen Z doesn’t see can’t hurt us.”

  And that’s exactly what they do. They shove me under the bed like something you don’t want anyone to see like a dirty magazine or a thigh master or an autographed picture of Urkel. Just random examples. Really!

  “I’m kind of hungry,” complains Australian Witch. “Let’s order Chinese. Should I get something for Mercy?”

  “Sesame chicken, spicy green beans, pork dumplings,” I call out from under the bed. They can’t hear me of course. This is almost as bad as when Julia stabbed me in the heart.

  “Nah, what’s the point? She probably couldn’t eat it anyway,” Boom Hildie responds.

  That Witch has a world of pain coming her way! Just as soon as I get my body back. In my mind I start making a list of ways to kill her. I start with the prolonged deaths and make my way to the fast and painless. It won’t be the latter I decide. The punishment should fit the crime and I’m pretty sure deprivation of Chinese food is a deadly sin. Don’t try to tell me otherwise!

  “Do you think Oz would want to join us,” asks DaniElle casually. “I mean a Warlocks got to eat. Right?”

  “Good thinking, Aussie,” Bibidee Bea praises. “If Queen Z shows he can help calm her down,” she replies.

  She’s determined to put a wedge between Julia and Titus. I could have told her it wouldn’t work. Those two are pretty much soulmates. Oz is hot and all but there’s no competing with soulmates. Besides I think Oz has his eye on Bibidee Bea.

  “What should I order for him? What does he like,” asks Australian Witch. Pink says I project my thoughts loudly. I try doing it now. ‘Sesame chicken, spicy green beans, pork dumplings!’

  “Why does everyone expect me to know these details about him? I don’t know,” Bea grumbles. So much for thought projection. I guess it only works on Pink. “Just use your imagination.”

  “I’m thinking spicy for sure,” sighs DaniElle.

  “Fine. Go with that,” Witchy Bea says without enthusiasm.

  Something drops on the mattress above me and Boom Hildie exclaims, “Bibidee Bea why do you have fifty copies of People magazine?”

  “Because one is not enough when it features my favorite Zombie in existence,” she proclaims. “I’m thinking of using his photo to create my own pattern. They do it all the time on Project Runway.”

  My nerd heart begins to beat excitedly. “That’s such a great idea,” I exclaim to myself because my voice is still not carrying. Except instead of yucky Titus I would use myself. “Mercy Mayhem the Zombie Ninja Assassin!”

  “I may even have a Titus Remington cuddle blanket made. That way he can keep me warm every night,” sighs Bibidee Bea dreamily. Gag. I’m thinking she may have taken a zap to the head once upon a time.

  “I’m thinking you better buy a clue, Witch! Titus is not your personal cuddle blanket,” Julia Caesar shouts. Oh, Hell! This is going down and I’m stuck under the bed. I’d shake my fist but I can’t even raise it.

  “Hey, Queen Z,” Bea greets her cheerfully. “What brings you by?” As if she didn’t know.

  “Did you think Titus wouldn’t tell me about the key card,” growls Julia.

  I hear something slap against something else. Not loud enough for hand to face. Did she just throw the card at Witchy Bea?

  “Give that
to someone who actually wants your company. If you can find somebody because Titus sure the hell doesn’t want or need it.”

  “Well, that’s pretty harsh,” I say to myself. When the bedroom gets quiet I realize it wasn’t just to myself.

  “What was that,” Julia asks.

  “What was what,” asks Boom Hildie loudly.

  I shove my hand out from under the bed. I still feel weak but at least my limbs are working now. “I’m under here,” I call out.

  The bedspread lifts and Julia’s face peeks under the bed at me. “Mercy, what are you doing under there,” she asks.

  “The Witches drugged me and shoved me under here,” I complain as she helps drag me out. When Hildie sees me she elbows Bea and grins.

  “It turned me green and I couldn’t talk or move,” I continue my rant. “Then they ordered Chinese food without me.”

  “She got into Australian Witch’s thunder,” Hildie lies through her teeth. “That stuff is not for weaklings.”

  “We wondered where she wandered off to,” adds Bibidee Bea. “Frankly, I thought she left.”

  I gasp in outrage. “They’re lying. Hildie said the brew would give me magic.” I pause a moment. That’s what she said. Right?

  “She probably needs to just sleep it off,” Boom Hildie advises. She looks at me and says, “Everything will be better in the morning. I promise.”

  This all started with one of her damn promises. I want to shake her but I just feel too tired right now. Maybe a nap would help.

  Julia helps walk me to the door. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about your insult, Witch,” warns Julia as we exit. “This is not over. Not by a longshot.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Bea blows off her warning. She yawns with a grin. “Please, stop. You’re scaring me!”

  “Sarcastic Witch,” Julia hisses to herself as we exit. “One of these days I’m going to give her what she’s asking for.” And get zapped in the process. I’ll let her keep her fantasy.

  As we’re walking away I see a man approaching carrying bags of delicious smelling Chinese food. I turn to Julia and grin. “It looks like their dinner just arrived.”

  She looks at the delivery man and then back at me. With a devious glint in her eye she laughs, “Petty revenge can sometimes be delicious.” My thoughts exactly.

  We pay for the food and head back to Julia and Titus’ room. Carmony, Pinkerton and Titus are sitting on the couch watching a football game. I’m tempted to grab the remote but I know Titus will make a big stink about it. Instead, I start unpacking the bags of food and let Titus and the remote come to me.

  “What do you have there,” he asks inspecting the containers.

  “Take a look and see,” said the spider to the fly. When he lays down the remote to look inside the boxes I reach for it and come up empty handed.

  Pinkerton’s twirling the remote in his hand. Why does he always have to be such a thorn in my side? “Looking for this,” he asks with an obnoxious grin.

  “No,” I lie. “I didn’t even notice it.”

  “Sure you didn’t,” he laughs. “So where have you been all day? I tried calling you.”

  I shrug. I don’t know why but I’m a little embarrassed about being stuffed under the Witch’s bed. It’s humiliating to feel that helpless. “I couldn’t talk.” Literally. “I was hanging with the Witches.”

  “What were they up to,” he asks, helping himself to our ill-gotten gains. “Is Boom Hildie still slaving over a hot cauldron or has she finally finished her hex?”

  “She’s made a few nasty looking concoctions but hasn’t found the right one for the hag yet.” She was too busy cooking up a tall cup of rancid grossness for me. “I think she’s experimenting.” On Ninja Zombies!

  He’s deep in a carton of noodles but stops munching to stare at me curiously. He’s got freaky good instincts. It’s like he knows when I’m holding out. “Why is she wasting time experimenting,” he questions. “According to the Witches the Dragon Lady is too great and terrible a threat to afford us time to even sleep.”

  “I know, weird right? I think they may be ‘accidental’ experiments,” I tell him. “You know, when her attempt at making the hex to end all hexes fails it turns into magic of unknown potential.” In my case potential disaster.

  Pinkerton resumes eating his noodles. I breathe a sigh of relief.

  Titus asks, “What kind of potential?” Have I ever mentioned how annoying these males are?

  I shrug but refuse to answer. k'12

  “The kind that lands Mercy on her back under a Witch’s bed,” Julia supplies. We really need to have a sit down to discuss the boundaries of sisterhood confidentiality. I think we have a serious difference of opinion on the definition of that term.

  Pink pins me with a hard stare. “Why were you under the bed?”

  “She said the Witches drugged her,” Julia blabs. I glare at her but she just ignores me. She’s too busy gnawing on a green bean. Spicy! At least one thing went right today.

  “They did what,” Pink shouts. He’s glaring at me as hard as I’m glaring at Julia. What’s up with that? I’m the one who was drugged. Not the other way around. “When were you going to tell me that?”

  Seriously? “Um, never. It was not one of my finer moments. I prefer to keep the mortifying experiences to myself,” I explain. I really shouldn’t have to though. It should be a no-brainer. “The less people that know, the better. Being shoved under a bed while I flopped around helplessly was degrading enough.”

  Pink tosses the carton of noodles on the tables and heads for the door but Titus grabs his arm to stop him. “Sorry, Pink, but as annoying as they are we still need the Witches. We can’t take out the Dragon Lady on our own,” Titus reminds him.

  “It’s not right,” Pink sucks in a breath. “If they drugged her they shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it.”

  “They won’t,” Titus assures him. “We just need to wait it out for now.”

  “It wasn’t as bad as the time Julia stabbed me,” I says as I pick up carton of noodles he’d discarded. “Close but not as bad. At least I didn’t stay green. Bea was worried I would.”

  Carmony spits up her egg roll. “You were green?” She inspects my face as though looking for green residue. “Did it hurt?”

  I shrug and wave off her concern. “Mostly just my pride.”

  She scrunches her face in bafflement. “Why would they do that to you?”

  “For some reason Boom Hildie wanted to give me a little magic. I don’t know what she thought it was supposed to do but it obviously was a bust.” Too bad, having magic would have been cool. “I think it ended up the reverse of what she intended because I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even open my eyes!”

  Titus chuckles. “Having green skin would have been unfortunate for you,” he says with not an ounce of sympathy. “But on the plus side having a green face and blue hair would have made it a breeze to find you in a crowd.” He is so not funny.

  “She’s not exactly hard to spot now,” laughs Pinkerton because he amuses himself so much.

  “I could have rocked it if I had to,” I say because it’s the truth. Bea says you can pull off anything with the right swag. I have swag. At least I’m pretty sure I do. I look at Pink. “As if you could ever blend with that Mohawk.”

  Pinkerton scoffs, “Who the hell wants to blend? I was designed to stand out.” Titus smiles and high fives him. Wonderful. The brotherhood lives.

  Pinkerton grabs the last dumpling and I growl. I wanted that! We both blink in dismay when it disappears from his hand and winds up in mine.

  “How did you do that,” he asks.

  I shrug because how the hell would I know? Unless, “Do you think Boom Hildie’s cup of gross actually worked?”

  “What exactly was it supposed to do,” he asks warily.

  “I don’t know. She just said she thought it was pathetic I was so excited to have a favor from Bibidee Bea and s
o she wanted to lend me some magic. “

  I’m trying to remain calm but nerd Mercy is doing backflips inside my head. My very own superpower! ‘Stop it!’ I tell her, but it’s too late. She’s already chanting ‘Queen of the Universe!’. I’ve gotta tell you, nerd Mercy is exhausting.

  Titus pops a wonton into his mouth and swallows nothing. Meanwhile I’m chewing happily. This is the most awesome power in history!

  I can practically feel Julia trying to figure out how to use this to the Zombie’s advantage. “Will it wear off,” she muses more to herself than to me.

  I know she’s not really speaking to me but I still feel obligated to answer her. “I don’t know but it will be cool while it lasts.”

  “Can you get anything you want,” asks Carmony in awe.

  I consider this for a moment then try to concentrate on my wish list. When I feel hard plastic in my right hand I look down and just manage to swallow my gleeful shriek. I can’t believe I’m actually holding my very own Mercy Mayhem Zombie Ninja action figure. This is the best day in the history of ever!

  “You can have anything you want and that’s what you wish for,” Titus is laughing so hard he’s bent in half. He’s lucky I’m too happy to wish something bad on him.

  “Aw, don’t feel bad Titus,” I tell him. I hold out the action figure in my left hand. “I have one for you too.” It’s Titus dressed like a Lucha Libre fighter in red tights and a blue face mask. His beard hanging beneath the edges of the mask.

  Instead of getting angry he laughs. “Julia, it looks like Mercy’s been wishing for her own pocket sized Titus.”

  “Hmm, if I pull his little leg off will the same thing happen to you,” I wonder aloud. When I go to test my theory Julia pulls the figure from my hand.

  “Let’s not try it. I like his legs where they are,” she murmurs.

  Titus looked like his face might crack he was grinning so hard. He slides his arm over Julia’s shoulder and gives her a squeeze. “Look how protective she gets.” He leans close to her and whispers, “Are you planning on playing with that later?”

  She actually blushes and pokes him in the stomach. “Shut up or I’m going to let Mercy rearrange your body parts.”