Welcome to the Apocalypse Read online

  1Chapter One

  2Chapter Two

  3Chapter Three

  4Chapter Four

  5Chapter Five

  6Chapter Six

  7Chapter Seven

  8Chapter Eight

  9Chapter Nine

  10Chapter Ten

  11Chapter Eleven

  12Chapter Twelve

  13Chapter Thirteen

  14Chapter Fourteen

  15Chapter Fifteen

  16Chapter Sixteen

  17Chapter Seventeen

  18Chapter Eighteen k12

  1

  Chapter One

  The Zombie Fidelity Pledge

  As Zombies we stand together as one

  Against any and all enemies

  Ever faithful to our kind

  Ever respectful of our differences

  With malice toward none

  And hopeful of a peaceful existence

  We will let none come between us

  As proud Zombies we freely offer this pledge

  -as written by Pinkerton Floyd

  Mercy Mayhem

  Julia Caesar’s compound 2 days after the start of the Zombie Apocalypse.

  I think Pink’s forgotten his pledge. He’s bound and determined to hunt down Dirth Vader and bleed him dry. I’m not exactly opposed to the idea but frankly we have bigger things to deal with right now. You know, like surviving the mob of bloodthirsty Humans currently armed with guns, pitchforks and machetes.

  Humans can be so ridiculous! They don’t even know who exactly they’re searching for besides Carmony I mean. Her photo has been splattered on every T.V. station, newspaper and social media site. She’s famous! It’s too bad the picture is so unflattering. I told her she should post a better picture on Facebook but she called me crazy. As if that’s new information.

  You know I’ve been giving this Zombie Apocalypse a lot of thought and it could actually be a good thing that Dirk set up Carmony and kick started the revolution. Okay, maybe ‘good’ isn’t the right word. I know it’s got us scrambling and losing our minds a little but I have to face facts. The closer we got to the Zombie Counsel’s prepared launch date the more anxious I would have become. I am not a natural born revolutionary. Julia Caesar owns that title hand’s down.

  Right now I’m trying to channel my inner Ninja. It’s kind of hard though with Carmony pacing, and Mary Mary crying. Pink and the Woodley twins are cursing and grunting and tossing things around. The fact that it’s weapons they’re playing with is a little disconcerting. If I accidentally get shot by one of them I will show them how a Zombie Ninja gets revenge and it won’t be pretty!

  “Oh, my God,” shouted Carmony who was no longer pacing. She was standing in front of Julia’s T.V. and looked like she might just pass out or puke. It could go either way. “We’re all going to die!”

  I wanted to tell her we are technically already dead but Mary ditto’s hysterical weeping made me hold my tongue. She was pointing at the screen in front of Carmony drawing my eyes in that direction and, yep, they may be right. Photos of all of us were enlarged and displayed. It’s kind of hard to miss my blue hair or Pink’s Mohawk and facial piercings.

  “I am going to make that whiney, little rat Zombie cry like a Human,” growled Pinkerton. I believed him. I’m pretty sure I could make Dirth cry but unfortunately that was just going to have to remain a fantasy for now. We needed to find a way to survive the night.

  “You’ll need to do something about your hair,” Paisley said. I’m not sure whether she was talking to me or Pink. Most likely both of us. Pink must have thought so too because he answered for us both.

  “No way in hell! We’re not afraid of those Humans.”

  I nodded in agreement because I was afraid if I opened my mouth something that smelled of chicken would come out. Afraid of Humans? Not at all. Bring it! Afraid of Humans with machetes? Yeah, maybe just a little. Okay, just between us, maybe just a lot!! Pain is not my friend and I don’t want it to be. I like my limbs where they are, thank you very much. They may be short but they’re mine and I plan on keeping them!

  Mary Mary looked at me in awe. “You’re so brave,” she sniffled. It was so hard to contain my laughter. I knew if I let it loose it would sound deranged. So I held it inside and it echoed in my brain like a witch’s cackle. If they only knew how much crazy I kept locked up inside!

  Pink gripped my shoulder and repeated Mary ditto’s words, “So brave!” When he said it though, it sounded like mockery not praise. His smirk validated what I suspected. That jackass! He knew I was scared. He was making fun of me.

  “On second thought, I think we should both shave our heads,” It came out without conscious thought. Damn my mouth! She’s at it again!!

  “I agree,” everyone said in unison. When I looked at Tupelo he just shrugged and muttered, “It would be best for the group. You’re too recognizable as you are.”

  Pink looked like he wanted to strangle me. I kind of felt the same way. It’s what he gets for making fun of me though. He knows I’m crazy!

  “We’re not shaving our heads,” Pinkerton gritted between his teeth. His eyes were trying to burn holes in my head. “We’re Zombies. Humans want to kill us? So what! Welcome to the Apocalypse! If I die, I’m gonna die as me. Not some Human version of me.”

  I nodded my head, this time for real. What he said made complete sense. I agreed with him wholeheartedly. “Pink’s right. I’m not shaving my head either. Humans can suck it!”

  “But what if they come for us? They have weapons. There are more of them,” Carmony worried. She was wringing her hands and the more she talked the higher her tone was. I think she may be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I can’t blame her. It must be really hard for her knowing she was the instrument used to bring about the Apocalypse. Pink thought she tended to keep one foot in the Human world. This kind of sealed off that avenue for her. She was all in as a Zombie now. She didn’t have any other choice.

  “If they come for us, we fight. We have weapons and we know how to use them. I bet most of us are better shots than they are and we are less vulnerable,” I don’t think it was all that reassuring to her or Mary Mary.

  “It will take more than a simple shot to take us out for good. They don’t know that and by the time they figure it out it will be too late for them,” Pinkerton added.

  For some reason they seemed to respond better to Pinkerton. It may have been the weird smile on my face. I knew I was doing it but for some reason I just couldn’t stop.

  “Maybe it would be better if we split up,” offered Denim. I couldn’t help it. I rolled my eyes. Did he really think I didn’t understand what he really meant? He meant maybe they should get distance between themselves and the sitting ducks. You know, me and Pink.

  Pink looked at me and clearly felt the same way. He shook his head in disappointment. Somehow the whole meaning of our pledge seemed to have escaped their memory.

  “Fine, whatever,” Pink sighed. “Mercy and I can go our own way. Good luck to you,” ‘suckers’ was implied but not spoken. He grabbed me by the sleeve of my t-shirt and practically dragged me down the hall. We needed to get my Zombie cat Lumina and her guard Riki, Tiki and Tavi.

  When we were out of earshot I shoved him away. “Why are you doing that? I can walk on my own,” I whispered.to him. It may have been a little louder than a whisper but so what? What do I care if they hear me?

  “Because I didn’t want you to say anything. When you’re anxious you say the weirdest things,” he grumbled turning the knob to the room we’d stashed the cats in. Then he shoved me inside. At that point I’d had enough. I turned around and sent a high kick flying straight to his shoulder. Damn him for being so tall!


  “What the hell Mercy?!” So much for whispering! “We’re on the same team. Why do you have to be so crazy all the time?”

  “Why do you have to push your ‘teammate’ around? Why do you think you can speak for me all the time? Maybe I didn’t want us to go on our own,” I whisper shouted back.

  “This was going to happen sooner or later. It had to. If we split up the Humans will also need to divide their efforts to locate us. Staying together would have put the entire group at a disadvantage,” Pink calmly explained. He started gathering our things. Lumina and her guard went into their carrying cases. She wasn’t happy about it but she didn’t protest. She’s a Zombie cat. She’s smart.

  We each grabbed our backpacks and the cats and headed out. He had already stashed our weapons in the car along with extra ammunition. He wanted to bring some explosives but I said no way in hell. I know myself too well. If there is a way for me to set it off accidentally, I will. I wasn’t going to risk it. Leave that stuff for the Woodley twins.

  Mary Mary stopped us at the door and asked us to be sure to check in periodically. She worries a lot. She can’t help it. She’s a nurturer. It’s a weakness but what can she do? It’s just part of her DNA.

  It was dark out which actually worked in our favor. It helped mask the color of my hair. We had copies of Julia’s maps for the surrounding area. No way could we go through town. The Humans were stopping every vehicle to check I.D. We have fake identification courtesy of Julia and Titus but it doesn’t really matter. We are the easiest to identify.

  The last time we’d spoken to Julia and Titus they were working with the Zombie Coalition to figure out a plan for extraction. That was two days ago. We’d tried contacting her but were not able to reach her which is a little unnerving. Something must have happened. Julia is the type of Zombie that has a backup plan for her backup plan. She doesn’t leave anything to chance. Not Ever.

  Luckily for us Julia had made notations on all the maps regarding tunnels, alternate routes, stashed weapons and supplies. She indicated safe houses and allies in each area. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Julia Caesar is a badass. This made me feel so relieved. It reminded me that she can do anything. I almost feel sorry for the Humans. No way could they handle her alone much less Julia and Titus Remington together.

  Pinkerton reached into his glove compartment and pulled out a box of Nerds. He tossed it into my lap and ordered, “Eat up. We need you at maximum speed.”

  Lumina began meowing in the backseat. My girl knows the sound of her favorite snack and she gets very cranky when she feels she’s being deprived. Pink sighed and reached back into the glove compartment. He tossed me another box and advised me to quiet the ‘royal Zombie’. He loves her. He really does. He just hates being bossed around by anyone. Especially my pink and black Zombie cat.

  Pink was flooring it hoping to get us to the woods. We needed the cover of the trees badly. He had turned off his lights so we wouldn’t draw attention to the vehicle. We don’t need the light to see. Zombies have great night vision which works in our favor because the Humans had helicopters in the air searching for us.

  Thanks to Julia we’ve run this route many times as part of her training exercise. It’s emergency escape plan A. Once we made it into the woods we located the camouflaged tunnel and parked the car inside. We made sure it was concealed and the tracks wiped before we booked it on foot to the stream and followed it northeast. It was a little cumbersome carrying but we managed.

  We could hear the helicopters in the distance but paid them no mind. We kept our pace slow and steady just like Julia instructed. We couldn’t afford to make mistakes.

  It was starting to rain which made things pretty uncomfortable. Luckily Lumina wasn’t complaining and neither were the others. For that reason, I decided not to voice my own complaints. Shocking, I know, but honestly the rain was making the ground muddy and it was taking everything I had not to fall flat on my face. I’m pretty sure Lumina would have broken her silence had I gotten mud all over her shiny coat.

  Pinkerton hadn’t spoken either. He was just marching along humming to himself. He was off-key but not bothered a bit by it. You’d think it would annoy me but it didn’t. It was actually a little comforting for some reason. Don’t tell Pink!

  When the helicopters sounded overhead Pink put down the cat carriers he was holding and raised his hoodie over his Mohawk. I did the same thing. They were both black thankfully. Actually, thanks to Pink. I wanted to wear my orange hoodie but he demanded I change to the black one. I guess he was right. Tell Pink at your own risk. Never forget I’m crazy.

  He picked the carriers back up and continued trudging along. I did the same ignoring Lumina’s grumbled indignation when I accidentally shifted her. Riki hissed in his own carrier letting me know he did not appreciate me upsetting his queen.

  I was getting a little nervous about the helicopters but I didn’t say anything. Sometimes if you pretend you’re okay you can even convince yourself. Usually your courage returns before anyone realizes it was ever missing.

  “What’s wrong,” Pinkerton had stopped walking and was giving me a weird look. I don’t like that look.

  “Nothing,” I lied through my teeth. “Why, do you ask?”

  He rolled his eyes then turned around and kept walking. “Fine. If you don’t want to talk about it that’s up to you but don’t let the helicopters freak you out. Remember, they’re only Humans. They’ve got nothing on us.”

  It’s true. Zombies rule or at least we will once the dust clears from this revolution. Unfortunately, this Apocalypse has only just begun. We haven’t even gotten to the good part yet.

  The rain was coming down harder now making it difficult to see. I slid twice but somehow managed to maintain my balance. Old me would have been nose deep in mud by now. Ninja me won’t go down that easily!

  Pinkerton didn’t even notice my victory over the treacherous mud. He was too busy trying to lose me. Just kidding, mostly. I’m sure he was just trying to set a good pace for us.

  “Do you think you could slow down just a tad? I’m trying not to eat mud and your pace is making it a little difficult.” I was trying not to sound annoyed but I’m pretty sure I failed.

  “Nope. You need to step it up. We need to cover as much ground as possible before morning,” was his reply as he continued to increase the distance between us. “You shouldn’t have worn those shoes,” he complained as he turned to look at my beautiful green running shoes with rainbow trim that were the downfall of my 5k aspirations.

  I don’t know why I still haven’t thrown them out! They’re cursed. Cursed I tell you! “I like these shoes,” were the words I heard come out of my mouth in response to Pink’s comment.

  “Don’t get me wrong, I love those shoes! Defeating you in the 5k was one of the sweetest moments in my existence,” the Pinkerton bragged. “The thing is you don’t perform well in them. And we really need you to perform well right now.”

  “I haven’t fallen. Have I,” I asked, just as the ground slid out from underneath me. Damn that Zombie for distracting me!! Pinkerton Floyd is a curse to my existence!

  I felt Pink yank me up by my soggy hoodie. Lumina was howling in rage. Her guard were hissing and growling. Of course Pink was laughing his ass off. I could feel the mud coating the entire front of my body. Mud facials are good for the skin I told myself ignoring Pinkerton’s rudeness and my cat’s outrage.

  “You were saying,” he asked smugly.

  I think anger gives me super Zombie powers. One minute I was staring at him as red stained my vision. The next I’d swept his feet out from under him sending him sprawling on his back in the mud. He opened his mouth to yell out me but only got as, “Mercy, you crazy,” before I smashed a handful of mud in his face.

  I stood up, grabbed my cat carriers and calmly said,” Don’t call me crazy again. If you do I’m going to show you how a Ninja Assassin finishes her business.”

  He looked at me curious
ly, opened his mouth as though to ask then opted not to. He just shook his head. “Fine, Mayhem. Lead the way.”

  I’m pretty sure using my last name was his personal version of ‘crazy’ but it didn’t bother me. In fact, ‘crazy’ doesn’t usually bother me but I guess it was just the last straw. Apparently even Zombie Ninjas have their limits.

  If I’m too much for Pinkerton Floyd those Humans don’t stand a chance. The Humans can bring their worst. This Apocalypse is on!

  2

  Chapter Two

  “When the world sets you on fire

  toast marshmallows.”

  -from the mad ramblings of Mercy Mayhem

  Pinkerton Floyd

  Deep in the woods, 13 miles from Julia Caesar’s compound

  Mercy doesn’t want me to call her crazy but she is for sure anti-sane. She thinks I’m insulting her but mostly it’s a compliment.

  It’s weird to me that so many people work so hard to be normal. In my opinion normality is a commercial enterprise. Do you know how much money people spend to be just like everybody else? Now that’s crazy! Wear the same clothes, the same hairdos, shop in the same stores. Cookie cutter everything. That’s a hell no for me and I’m comfortable saying hell no for Mercy too. We are not cookie cutter!

  Mercy and I are more like handmade quilts. We’re comprised of scraps of a whole bunch of different colors and patterns that shouldn’t work together but somehow do. I think they also call them crazy quilts which makes a lot of sense to me.

  I know you probably look at me and think what does a weirdo like me know about quilts. All I can say is I know what I like and I like art. Quilting is an art form. A lot of people think it’s just a bunch of old ladies sewing and even if it were it’s not as easy as it looks. Have you ever tried? If you’re wondering if I have, well, that’s none of your business. I’ll just say I’m willing to try anything at least once. Make what you will of it.