Rebel Without a Clue Read online

  I grab her by the arm when she lifts it to rock his world. “Don’t! We need him. Remember?”

  Boom Hildie sniffs. “He’s mocking my magic, sis. I won’t kill him. I’ll just give him a keepsake to remember me by.”

  “Oh, like a piggy bank,” he asks her, with a chuckle.

  I let go of her arm. “Nothing to the head,” I advise her. What? I consider him a friend but a Witch has her pride.

  Boom Hildie uncaps her ring and raises her hand in the air. She drops it down like a hammer into her open palm. A loud crash sounds and Oz falls onto his back. A thin coating of Hildie’s dry potion settles on his abdomen in the shape of an H. The potion slowly burns through his t-shirt making him yank it off and toss it aside. The reddened skin of his abdomen reveals her initial. A surface burn only. A temporary keepsake.

  “Wow! Good job, Hildie,” exclaims Carmony. I’m not sure if she means the magic or the fact that Oz is now shirtless. The Warlock is pretty easy on the eyes.

  “Yes, Hildie. Great work,” sighs Australian Witch. She leans over him inspecting his skin then whips out her phone and takes a photo. “That’s so I can refer back to it. You know, because of the magic,” DaniElle mumbles.

  Julia Caesar is checking out the magic too. When Titus notices he steps in front of her then reaches into his bag and pulls out a t-shirt. He tosses it to Oz. Things just got interesting. Maybe I can persuade the Warlock to hang out with us for longer than a plane ride.

  I make sure I’m seated near Julia on the plane. “You know, Oz is kind of on the outs with the Warlocks right now,” I whisper to her. It’s as close to a whisper as I’ve ever gotten. I need this to at least seem confidential. “He hates Humans.”

  I drop that bit of information and wait for her to reach all the right conclusions. Oz is a lone wolf with all kinds of useful connections. The same enemy. The same ally. Her face is expressive. Her thoughts are painted all over it.

  “Do you think he’d agree to come along with us,” she asks hopefully. She’s putting her team first as any good Queen Z would do.

  I nod as though the thought just occurred to me. “You know, that is a great idea. If you want me to, I’ll ask him,” I offer helpfully.

  “Yes, if you don’t mind. He could be just what we need,” she murmurs thoughtfully. I couldn’t agree more. Gosh, I only hope Titus is okay with this. Not!

  “I’ll ask him when we land.” I try to keep the wicked out of my grin. It’s hard. It likes to shine and I like to let it. “Go rebel forces,” I cheer not so much in a whisper anymore.

  Mercy hears me and gets her nerd on. “Rebel Forces! Yes!!”

  Pinkerton glares at me. He doesn’t trust me. He’s pretty smart.

  “So, is the Warlock single,” asks Carmony quietly. She’s leaning over the back of my seat. I just manage not to follow my first instinct which was to put my hand in her face and shove her away. I don’t need this Zombie putting a crimp in my plans. Julia’s waiting for me to reply which, I gotta admit, gives me hope.

  “Yes,” I say confidently. The truth is I have no idea. I’ve never once discussed this with Oz. We don’t have that kind of friendship. The way it usually works is I get into trouble and he helps get me out.

  “What’s he like,” ask Carmony. What is with this Zombie today?

  “Well,” I think about it a moment. I look at Julia’s hair. “Purple is his favorite color. He likes bossy, overbearing women. He’s very punctual,” Julia smiled at that last part. I almost rubbed my hands together in glee.

  “He likes bossy women,” asks Carmony doubtfully. Where the hell is the eject button for her seat?

  “Yes. He likes a woman that knows how to take charge,” I insist. Julia nods as though it makes perfect sense to her. Of course it would. Barf.

  “What does he like to do in his free time,” Carmony inquires. Who cares?!

  “He trains like all the time,” I answer because it sounds like such a Julia thing to do.

  “What kind of training? Working out or military type training?” Carmony again! She is getting on my last nerve.

  Considering Julia Caesar practically lives in camouflage I take a guess, “Military type training.” Queen Z looks suitably impressed. Score!

  “What kind of music does he like?” I am going to zap Carmony so hard when I get her alone!

  I’m staring at Julia trying to get a clue but I am at a loss. What kind of music? “Um, a little of everything,” I stutter a little which is not at all like me. Queen Z seemed to like the answer thankfully. Carmony hasn’t made me botch this yet.

  “What kind of food does he like to eat?” Seriously?

  “Do I look like Millionaire Matchmaker?” I was done with Carmony! That Zombie female needs to back the hell off. I have plans for Oz and it doesn’t include her!! I send her a glare over my shoulder and she retreats back to her seat.

  Julia grins. “I guess Carmony is pretty interested in the Warlock.”

  “She’s not his type,” I reply. For all I know she could be just his type. It doesn’t matter though. He’s going to have to take one for the team. By ‘one’ I mean Julia. By ‘team’ I mean me. Life is all about sacrifice and Oz is my sacrificial lamb.

  I hear Pinkerton chuckling across the aisle. When I glance at him he grins, points at his eyes and then at me. He’s onto me! That Pink Zombie better stay the hell out of my business! Julia’s looking at him too so I shoot him the middle finger behind her back.

  When she turns back Pink points at me and slaps his palm. That rat bastard expects a favor from me. Damn if I’m not starting to like him. I give him a subtle nod and he winks to let me know it’s a deal.

  Beside Pinkerton Mercy smiles innocently at me then slaps her palm. I try to ignore her but she does it again along with a hardball glance. It’s her ninja glare. It’s fierce (in her mind at least). I sigh and give her a nod of agreement. Great. I’m being blackmailed by nerds now. I think my swag may be slipping.

  Titus shoves his head between our seats. “Julia, swap seats with Carmony. Come back here with me,” he rumbles. I turn my head and ‘accidentally’ rub my face in his beard. It’s just kind of there. What could I do? Titus ever so (not) subtly shoves my head back. One day soon he will beg for my attention! I just need to find a way to get him to unload Julia.

  When Queen Z gets up to switch places with Carmony I come really close to begging her to stay. Not just because I don’t want her with Titus either. I just don’t know how much control I’ll have if Carmony tries grilling me on Oz again. I just might end up sealing her lips together. I have a feeling that won’t go over well with team Zombie.

  Carmony sits down next to me. “How did you and Oz meet?”

  I try to catch Boom Hildie’s eye. Maybe she has a potion to put Carmony out for the remainder of the flight. Hildie ignores me. I know she’s ignoring me because she looked right at me, smiled and turned away. She’s still angry about the coin thing.

  “How long have you known him?”

  This Zombie is just not getting it. I’m going to have to spell it out. “Look, Carmony. You seemed like an okay Zombie until tonight so I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt,” I tell her. I speak softly so as not to scare her or, more importantly, to alert the others. “But if you don’t lay off Oz I am going to have to hurt you. Do you understand?”

  Carmony’s eyes get wide and she leans back a little. “Are you interested in Oz?”

  “No more questions,” I hiss. “Go to sleep!” Just like that was out. I didn’t know I could do that without zapping her. Damn! I’m better than I thought!! Mad skills.

  Mercy’s grinning as she scribbles in a notebook. She keeps glancing at me as she writes so I’m pretty sure she’s making a list of ‘wishes’. I think she has me confused with a Genie.

  I honestly don’t know why she bothers. She and Pink will most likely end up having some petty squabble and she’ll ask me for some silly revenge favor against him like pink hair or a donkey laugh. Those
will be my recommendations at least.

  Boom Hildie and Australian Witch start arguing. They were counting their coins and I guess DaniElle came up a tad short on the count. She’s gesturing to Mercy and insisting the ‘nerd Zombie’ filched her coins. Hildie’s not having any part of it. She points to herself and says “winner” then points to Australian Witch and says “loser”.

  “Hey, Bibidee Bea,” shouts Oz from the cockpit. “You and your Witches better cast your shields. We have incoming. Looks like the Warlocks aren’t messing around with this one.”

  The plane jerks as though hit by some invisible force.

  I get up and make my way to Hildie and DaniElle. We join hands and chant the most basic protection spell. Then we cast our shields to deflect the Warlock’s attack and stay joined for the remainder of the flight. Long past the need for it. I don’t believe in taking chances.

  Though our spell worked and our shields held I’m a little unnerved. That attack tasted familiar. From the expressions on my Witches faces I know they felt it too. The Warlocks weren’t acting alone. They had help. The flavor on my tongue is rancid and bitter. It’s the taste of betrayal.

  The Warlocks have a Witch in their midst. In this game Witches are both hunter and hunted.

  Chapter Three

  Zombie Team Building-Take 2

  Red Rover, Red Rover let Tina Turner come over.

  -from the mad ramblings of Mercy Mayhem

  Pinkerton Floyd

  Back on solid ground but not on solid footing

  So, apparently there are Witches playing both sides of the field. We also have a rogue Warlock that may be our newest team member. Call me crazy but I kind of like our odds. They’re stacked high against us but you can’t beat the rush of a challenge that great.

  Mercy was a little freaked out about the rocky flight. That’s not surprising. She has a serious fear of falling. The thought of falling out of the sky jacked that fear up about a thousand percent.

  Those Human allied Warlocks did their best to make us crash and burn. I’ve got to give it to our Witches though. They pulled us through. As far as I’m concerned the Warlocks got the dud Witches. Our Witches are the real deal. As Bea likes to say, they’ve got mad skills. Don’t tell Bibidee Bea I said that!

  If I was a nicer Zombie I’d let Witchy Bea off the hook with the favor she owes me but I’m not. The opportunity to borrow some of her magic is too good to pass up. The fact that Mercy also managed to score a favor was the icing on the cake. She did me proud. I almost feel bad that I’m going to try snatch it from her. She’s gotten tougher so it won’t be easy. I’m guessing it will take me at least two days. Just kidding. I should have it by tonight.

  Right now Mercy, Australian Witch and I are casing the suburbs looking for a house with a Scottish flair whatever the hell that means. Bibidee Bea said she didn’t get a clear vision of the Human’s house. So we split up into three teams. Julia, Titus and Boom Hildie are checking out townhouses. Carmony, Bibidee Bea and Oz are in the business district in case it wasn’t a house at all. I’m pretty sure she sent us on a wild goose chase.

  “That looks like the same dog the other woman was walking,” mutters Danielle. “Does anyone in this suburban hell have a dog that isn’t white? White poodle, white terrier and two white English boxers. I think this neighborhood needs a makeover.”

  “Ooh, look,” Mercy’s leaning through the opening between the front seats. She points to a house on our left. “That house has red plaid curtains. Scottish flair!”

  There’s a white haired old lady out front watering her rose bushes. She’s wearing a yellow polka dot house dress and slide on garden shoes. I chuckle, “Mercy, I doubt this is the house. Does that lady look like someone capable of peeling the skin off of a Zombie?”

  Australian Witch glances at the woman in the garden then leans closer to the windshield. “Oh, hell,” she ducks down quickly. “Did she see me?” When I slow down the car she hisses, “Don’t stop! Keep going.”

  The old woman spares me a glance but doesn’t stop watering. I could be wrong but I think there were lights swirling in her eyes like Bibidee Bea’s do sometimes. When I tell DaniElle this she curses. “That rotted bag of bones is supposed to be dead! We even salted the earth where her body was supposed to be buried.”

  Mercy laughs. “I’m supposed to be dead too. It’s not as permanent as it used to be.”

  Australian Witch doesn’t see the humor. She’s too caught up in her own dilemma. “This is not good! I need to call Bea,” she mutters dragging out her phone. “If that walking corpse is in league with the Humans, we are in deeper than we thought.”

  When Bibidee Bea answers the phone DaniElle yells, “Code Red! The Dragon Lady flipped her flop. Fire on the horizon!”

  What the ever loving hell does that mean?

  Bibidee Bea

  How did I end up stuck with Carmony? Oz took the wheel of course. He’s as much a control freak as Julia Caesar. I’m riding shotgun because I need to keep Carmony at bay. Not that it helped. The minute we got in she popped her head between our seats.

  “So, what’s your favorite movie,” she asks Oz. Fantastic. A continuation of 73 questions.

  Oz looks at me in bafflement. I shrug and shake my head. Zombies can be annoying.

  “Uh, Lord of the Rings,” he answers then looks at me and shakes his head ‘no’. He won’t answer any of her questions honestly. Information can mean death for a Warlock or Witch. It can all be used against us. A rebel Warlock is in an even more precarious position. As they say, the devils in the details.

  “Awesome, me too! Which one do you like best? The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Rings, or Return of the King,” Carmony beams at him. Perfect. She speaks fluent nerd.

  Oz glares at me like I’m supposed to do something. “The first one,” he grumbles.

  Carmony grins like she won the lottery. “Oh, my gosh. Me too,” she exclaims excitedly. Why that’s exciting I don’t know. I guess everything after death is exciting.

  “Great,” sighs Oz with an eye roll.

  “Who’s your favorite character,” she asks. I’m trying not to laugh but it’s hard because I can see Oz has no clue what to say.

  “Who’s your favorite character,” he asks instead. Good save. Not. Now she thinks he’s interested in her thoughts.

  Carmony sighs and smiles at him dreamily, “Definitely Frodo Baggins.”

  Oz senses danger and adjusts admirably. “Too bad. I hate that guy,” he tells her. He grins when Carmony looks like he kicked her puppy. I can tell she’s offended and more than a little disgusted. These Zombies take their entertainment seriously.

  “How can you hate him? He’s the hero,” she protests. She’s leaning back in her seat now at least.

  “Heroes are overrated. I’ll take the villain any day.” Wow, Oz is really laying it on thick now. Carmony looks so disappointed I kind of feel bad for her.

  “I think you’re partly right,” I tell him. “Heroes are overrated. I’ll take a Heroine any day of the week.”

  Oz snorts in derision. “Good luck finding one.”

  I smirk at him. “I see one every day in the mirror. This Witch is a warrior.”

  Carmony shoves her hand between our seats and I high five her. I guess that Zombie isn’t so bad. As long as she’s not bombarding me with questions.

  Down Under starts playing on my phone. Australian Witch is calling already. I thought it would take at least another hour before she called for an S.O.S. She’s weaker than I figured. Maybe Mercy started recapping City Hunter episodes. She does that sometimes. Strong Witches use that time to catch some z’s.

  “Suck it up, Aussie. Witch hunting isn’t for the weak. I’m in my zone,” I tell her. We just got started. I’m not ready to circle back.

  DaniElle doesn’t bother responding to my insults. Instead she shouts, “Code Red! The Dragon Lady flipped her flop. Fire on the horizon!”

  I almost dropped my phone. “How can tha
t be? We buried her deep!” Seriously, we weren’t taking chances. When the Wiccan community takes out a threat it doesn’t come back or at least it shouldn’t.

  I think about it a moment and come to the only possible conclusion, “Those stinking Warlocks Beetlejuiced her ass,” I shriek. They don’t know who they’re messing with! The truth is I’m not a heroine and I’m not a villain. I’m like the most epic amalgamation of the two. When I said I was a warrior I meant it.

  The Dragon Lady is straight up evil. It takes extreme circumstances for Wiccan’s to take out their own. She helped define those circumstances. She was taking out Witches right and left. Stealing their potions, draining their powers. If those Warlocks brought her back they’ve crossed a line that I’m not sure they can return from.

  DaniElle is practically hyperventilating on the phone. I don’t blame her. She actually saw the old bat. “Calm down, Aussie. You need to head somewhere comforting. Go home. I’ll call Hildie. We’ll meet you there,” I tell her. Once she’s settled down enough I hang up.

  “What was that all about,” Oz asks. He looks concerned. He should be. His kind will try to make an example of him if they can get a hold of him and the Dragon Lady will make sure it’s painful.

  “We’ve got a toxic threat. Your brethren raised a rabid Witch. I’m pretty sure she’s the one who tried to shoot us out of the sky,” I inform him. “Mark my words, before this is over that hag will try to bleed us all.” I shudder thinking how close Australian Witch was to her.

  “We need to meet the Australian and her group,” I instruct.

  He nods, then shakes his head in confusion. “But you told her to go home.”

  “Yes, she’s going to the Outback Steakhouse. It’s her comfort zone,” I explain. Duh. “I need to call Boom Hildie. She is going to flip her lid.”

  Titus Remington

  I thought it was just Bibidee Bea but apparently all Witches are insane. We’ve been driving around for the better part of an hour and Boom Hildie has commented on every single house. “nope, not Scottish’, ‘this house looks German’, ‘that one’s American for sure’. It turns out Mercy’s not half as annoying as she could be.