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  Mercy will try things too but it will be a process from dragging her feet to stomping them and finally doing what she secretly really wants to do anyway. Of course she moans and complains the entire time that’s just her way. When it’s done she’ll brag and boast and call herself a Ninja warrior or some other crazy thing.

  Right now she’s stomping around in the mud trying to pretend it doesn’t bother her a bit which is a total lie. Her shoe keeps getting stuck and Lumina has been complaining steadily the last couple of miles.

  “Maybe we should stop for a little while,” I tell her because I know she’s too stubborn to ask.

  Mercy stopped in her tracks and released the cat carriers she was holding. “Well, if you’re tired I guess we can stop.” She knows why I suggested we stop but she’s more than happy to pretend it’s for me. I’m not going to argue this time.

  Should we stop for the night,” she casually inquires, as she leans against the tree next to her. If the tree wasn’t there I guarantee you she’d be lying on the ground right now mud or no mud. She’s exhausted but we can’t afford to rest that long.

  I’m ninety-nine percent certain the helicopter earlier dropped Humans nearby. They’re doing their best to track us but at least the rain’s helping to cover our tracks. Unfortunately, Mercy’s struggle to hold onto her shoes left indents in the mud. I tried to cover as best I could but I don’t know how successful I was. I haven’t told Mercy about the Humans. The last thing I need is for her to have another freak out session.

  “Sorry, Princess. You and Queenie are just going to have to suck it up a little longer. We don’t have time to waste on weakness,” I add a smug grin because I know that really sets her off. The anger will give her adrenaline and she’ll need it. We still have a long way to go. Also, I like to annoy her. It gives me joy and sometimes you have to grab your happy anywhere you can find.

  “You are such a jackass,” she shouted. “Lumina and I are not weak!”

  Mercy gripped the tree like she was going to rip it from the ground by the roots. I don’t think it’s possible but I also wouldn’t rule it out. That female has super mad strength when she’s angry and she can deliver a blow that will send your head rocking.

  Earlier when she mentioned finishing me like a Zombie Ninja Assassin I so wanted to ask what the hell that would entail. I’m sure it would be nothing like an actual assassin. Probably death by Nerds asphyxiation or maybe a Twizzler strangulation. You know, something more Disney than The Godfather.

  “You are ten times weaker than I am! I am a Ninja. Ninja’s don’t need rest. We can sleep on our feet,” she continued to rant.

  “Sleep on your feet? That explains a lot of the weird things you say and do,” substitute the word ‘crazy’ for ‘weird’ and that’s what I actually meant. I knew she understood when her eyes widened and her expression turned fierce.

  “You only say that because you know I have more perseverance than you do,” Mercy proclaimed.

  “Want to make a wager,” I couldn’t resist. She hates when I do this but if she’s angry enough she falls right into it.

  Too late she became suspicious. “What do you want to wager,” Mercy asked warily.

  I clicked my tongue at her. She knows better than to ask that question. “I’ll let you know after I win.”

  She sighed in resignation. “Fine, I’ll tell you what I want after I win.”

  “I like that you’re still a dreamer,” I taunted then held out my hand for her to shake it. “First one to the safe house wins. Deal?”

  She slid her hand into mine to seal the deal. She’s so trusting. I almost feel bad. I had her hand cuffed to the tree branch before she even registered that I was doing it.

  “Pinkerton Floyd,” she shouted as she dangled from the cuffs like a fish stuck on fish hook. “That’s cheating. Winning this way doesn’t count.”

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed. I love it when she tries to change her own rules. “Whatever. A win’s a win, Mercy. Remember?” She looked like she wanted to kick me and herself at the same time.

  “You can’t leave me like this. What about the Humans?” She asked this as I was walking away with Tiki and Tavi’s cat carriers.

  I turned around and winked at her. “I have complete faith in you. You’re a Zombie Ninja Warrior. You’ll finish them like a badass I’m sure.”

  I was whistling as I walked away. She cursed and yanked at the tree yelling behind me, “I’m a Zombie Ninja Assassin!! I am going to make you regret this! I am going to catch up with you and when I do I’m bringing the pain!! You will suffer! I promise you!”

  I know she’s serious about her threats but the way she expresses them comes off as cute rather than ominous. I’ll have to get her to work on that later. After I win our wager.

  I can’t stop grinning. The rain is coming down in sheets now. I’m cold, the cats are raging because I separated them from their Queen, Lumina. Humans are hunting us like animals and Mercy is working on her escape while she’s planning my death. Yeah, it’s a good day. A really good day.

  Mercy holds hands with crazy while she waits for the sun to come up. Me, I make my own sunshine. Leaving my fate in the hands of someone or something else isn’t my style. That way lies disaster. The second you lean back you fall back. The minute you let go you crash and burn. Trust gets you handcuffed to a tree in the pouring rain. These are the true lessons.

  Mercy will learn eventually. I’ve been trying to teach her. She’s a little stubborn though. She falls for the trust trick every time. I thought hijacking her 5k would send that lesson home for her and it did for a little while. She seems to have a short memory though. She’s lucky she has me to guide her. I’m as tenacious as she is stubborn. That’s why we work.

  I slide on a stack of rocks just covered by the mud. I feel the edge of one of the rocks slice my shin open. I’m cursing as I put down the cat carriers and begin plucking the offending rocks out of the mud and into the bushes. Mercy is clumsy as hell and she’s wearing those stupid shoes. If I left the rocks where they were I have no doubt she would find that exact spot and break her damn leg. I’m only doing this so she doesn’t hold me up later.

  I pick up the carriers and keep moving forward. By my calculations I’m about five miles from the safe house. It shouldn’t take me long at all to get there. I wonder if Mercy has managed to free herself yet. I hope so, I would prefer it when she gives me at least a little challenge. I know a win’s a win but the more difficult it is the sweeter the taste of victory.

  As I walk I’m trying to decide how I’ll cash in this win. What should I have her do? There are a lot of options. But it needs to be special.

  I’m about a fifty yards from the safe house when I feel something strike me in the back of the knees. As I’m falling forward, instinct has me tossing the cat carriers to the side but leaves me no time to reclaim my balance. I give in to the fall ignoring the pain of my nose slamming into slick rocks.

  As I’m rolling to my back a kick is delivered to my ribs. I’m not going to lie, that one hurt a lot. I didn’t make a sound but inside I may have whimpered just a little bit.

  I reach out and grab Crazy Ninja’s foot but the damn rain made it impossible for me to hold on. She hopped away with a triumphant little hoot. When I try to rise I slide in the mud which actually works to my advantage because it helps me avoid a branch to the face. Instead it grazes my cheek. By graze I mean it gouged a hole in the left side of my face. Damn her! That’s my good side. When I hiss she cackles and does a little dance. I’m pretty sure that was one of her moves from that dance contest a couple of months back. See, she does stuff like that and then doesn’t want me to call her crazy! What would you call it?

  She distracted me with her craziness and I missed the rock she swung at my temple. When I come to, she and the cats are nowhere to be seen. My face and head are throbbing. As I rise I realize my ribs are probably broken. Between you and me Mercy may have just convinced me she is the Zombie Ninja Assassin
she claims to be. If you tell her I said that I’ll deny it!

  When I limp my way into the safe house Mercy’s sitting in front of the heater wearing my orange ‘I’d Rather Be Dead’ sweatshirt and sipping on peppermint hot chocolate. My hot chocolate! She’d obviously bathed because she was a mess before.

  “You just left me in the woods,” I couldn’t quite keep the outrage out of my voice.

  She shrugged as though it was inconsequential. “What was I supposed to do? Drag you?”

  “Um, yes! Your supposed to be a Ninja. It’s pouring. I could have drowned,” I sound pathetic, I know. So what?

  “Your too heavy to carry and besides I’m a Ninja Assassin. We don’t bother carrying the body afterward we just leave the carcass where it falls. Also, don’t exaggerate. Zombies don’t drown,” she explained calmly as she took another sip from my hot chocolate.

  A flash of pink and black caught my eye. Lumina was seated in front of the heater beside Mercy. She was lapping from a small bowl filled with what looked like, yep, my hot chocolate. Is nothing sacred to this woman?

  “Why are you wearing my sweatshirt. Where are your clothes?” Do I sound bitter? Good, that’s exactly the sound I was going for.

  “Yours is more comfortable. It’s so-o soft,” she’s trying to annoy me and it’s working. I’m gritting my teeth to keep from yelling. I’m not so sure it’s going to be enough when she says, “and the peppermint hot chocolate really helps me feel so cozy warm.”

  “Go ahead and enjoy it for now. My moment will come sooner than you imagine,” I warned her. I’ll let her savor this win. I guess she may have earned it.

  Mercy tilted her head to the side looking at me strangely. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  She widened her eyes innocently then sighed, “Oh, I’m just trying to imagine what you’ll look like with pink My Little Pony braids.”

  “You wouldn’t,” I whispered in horror. I think my voice trembled. I can rock any hairstyle and that is not ego it’s a fact. But that style would kill my soul. I can’t tell her ‘no’ outright. That isn’t how this game is played. Mercy’s too stubborn.

  “Maybe you should think it over some more,” I suggest, I’m trying to mind control her with my eyes. It sounds stupid but only because it doesn’t work. This time. Mercy is sometimes a sucker for manipulation tactics.

  She holds out her mug to me. When I just stare at it she gives it a little shake. “Maybe some more chocolate will help me think,” she agrees with a wicked grin. As I’m preparing the chocolate I’m cursing myself for reacting to her taunts. I forgot the first rule. Never let them know what you’re thinking.

  “Extra marshmallows,” she chirps from her perch in front of the heater. I’m so close to tossing those marshmallows at her head but at the last minute get a grip on myself. She’s impulsive I remind myself. She can be manipulated into blowing her favor on something minor. Patience is the key.

  I threw a handful of marshmallows into her mug then added a couple of more for good measure. I lit a match and toasted the top ones. That’s how I make mine. I don’t know why I did it for her. I guess it’s just habit.

  When she saw the mug with the mass of toasted marshmallows her eyes got huge. “That’s so awesome! I don’t know why I never thought to do that.”

  My chest puffed out in pride as though I’d invented toasted marshmallows. I think that blow to my head did more damage than I realized. Get a grip Pinkerton! Keep your head in the game. She’s got the ball but everybody knows you’re the playmaker. Just wait for her to fumble. You got this!

  “I just made it like my Grandma taught me,” I added a charming wink.

  The wink may have been too much. Mercy eyed me suspiciously, “You’re a Zombie. You don’t have grandparents.”

  I laughed good naturedly. I have ground to makeup. “Ah, now, Mercy don’t go judging me by yourself. My maker was a woman named Grandma Roses. She taught me how to play the game.”

  “Grandma Roses,” Mercy laughed at the name. She shook her head, “I never know whether to believe you or not. I’m trying to picture you hanging around with some old woman in floral cotton dresses and glasses.”

  I chuckled at her description. “Well, erase that image. Grandma Roses wore leather and sunglasses. The roses were tattooed around her neck. They covered the scar from the blade that slit her jugular open. That woman was a survivor. She was as tough as the leather she wore and as mean as a snake. Nobody who messed with her survived to tell the tale.”

  “Okay, that I believe,” she exclaimed. “What happened to her?”

  “Oh, she’s still around. She traveled a lot. The last I heard she was in Budapest,” I replied noting her interest.

  “I would love to meet her. Maybe she has tips on how to control you,” Mercy mused aloud. Ha! As if she ever has a chance at doing that. Grandma Roses could tell her tales of how weak I used to be. By the time we parted ways I wasn’t weak anymore. Thanks in part to Grandma Roses but most of the credit I give to myself. I was a quick learner. Trust no one! That included Grandma Roses.

  “Mercy, you need to get a lot tougher before you’re ready for Grandma Roses.” That is the truth. She’s still a marshmallow. It doesn’t matter how much you toast her she’s still soft and squishy inside. A little bitter but mostly just sweet.

  “I kicked your ass. Didn’t I,” she was back to taunting me. I couldn’t afford to get drawn in. Never lose sight of the game!

  “Yes, you sure did,” I agreed. I was really proud of myself. I didn’t even grind my teeth when I said it. My hands may have clenched but she was too busy looking at my face to notice. “Drink your chocolate. I’m going to get washed up.”

  When I left her she had a contented smile on her face. Her cheeks were pink from the heater and my sweatshirt. My head was dancing with ideas on how to get even with her which is not good. I need to stay focused.

  When I came back she was asleep in her chair the empty mug beside her. She was snoring loudly and had little bit of drool on the left side of her mouth. Cute. I smiled as I pulled out my phone and videotaped the moment. I know I said I need to focus but when golden moments like this present themselves you can’t pass them up. I’ll save this one for just the right occasion.

  I kicked the chair leg and watched her topple over. Petty revenge but, again, you have to take advantage of opportunities when they arise. “Hey, Mercy, are you okay? You must have been exhausted. You fell right out of your chair.”

  She didn’t believe me but Julia Caesar chose that moment to make contact on the SAT radio. Mercy was up and searching for the thing before I could move which was fine by me. I wanted a cup of the peppermint hot chocolate before Mercy and Lumina drank it all. Neither one of them are good at sharing.

  As I toasted my marshmallows I felt Mercy’s eyes on me. She spoke with Julia but never lost sight of my mug. I just ignored her. No way was she taking this from me. I heard her snap her fingers at me but I turned my back and pretended otherwise.

  I worked my way through my marshmallows. She cleared her throat loudly. I almost laughed. Instead I sucked down the liquid. I usually like to savor it but tonight I had to rush. Damn greedy Zombie can’t even let a male enjoy his chocolate!

  Apparently Julia and Titus ran into a little trouble with some of the members of the Zombie Coalition. They had to get that straightened out before they left. She said she’d explain when she got here which should be sometime in the next few hours.

  “Tell her I’m certain there are Humans in the woods looking for us,” I told Mercy.

  “Say what,” Mercy shouted.

  I guess Julia heard what I said because her response was, “Good. I hope they’re more of a challenge than the Zombie turncoats Titus and I took care of yesterday. I need someone to give me a good fight.”

  I waited for Mercy to brag about her Ninja skills but she didn’t utter a peep. I’m pretty sure she’s afraid Julia will see her as a good sparring partner. No way does she want to
be the recipient of Julia’s bad mood. She’d gone one on one with her before and by some random bit of luck ended up the winner. That would not happen again. She’s not that lucky.

  When she got off the phone Mercy recapped their conversation. It seems one of the Zombie Coalition leaders attempted a coup. According to Julia things got really messy and the Coalition is in an upheaval. Long story short we’re not sure who, outside our group, we can trust. As far as I’m concerned that’s just business as usual.

  “I guess it’s us against the world,” Mercy sighed. She walked over to me took the mug from my hand and looked sadly at the empty contents. When she leaned down and licked the inside rim I rolled my eyes. Sometimes she’s worse than her cats.

  “Personally, I like those odds. It’s better than having traitors at our backs,” I told her. I guess the group is as close to family as we have. I don’t know that I trust them but I don’t not trust them. So, I guess that’s something.

  “That’s true. We can do without traitors. We have our hands full with the Humans and Dirth Vader,” she growled under her breath. “Why can’t things ever go as planned?”

  “Because this isn’t a T.V. show. You aren’t Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Your better, you’re Mercy the Mad Ninja!”

  She smiled crookedly, “It’s Zombie Ninja Assassin.”

  I just shrugged. “Same difference. Now let’s get some rest before Julia and Titus get here. Knowing her she’ll want to run drills or use us for target practice and I need my rest. A Ninja Assassin tried to take me out today and she messed up my pretty face.”

  “Pretty faces are overrated. Now your face has character and charm. That’s what everyone’s really looking for according to HGTV’s House Hunters.”

  “A person is not the same as a house,” I argued for reasons I can’t fathom. It’s hopeless to argue with Mercy.

  “I guarantee you it’s the same. What you look for in a house is what you look for in a spouse,” she reasoned.

  I considered that for a moment then had to concede. “Okay, you may be right.”

  “I know. I’ve spent countless hours researching,” she replied. Translation she’s spent hours watching House Hunters, House Hunters International, House Hunters Renovation. She stayed with me for a while a few months back. I know her rigid television schedules. She takes her research seriously.